So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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