Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
