I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
