yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
