if i can run in heels then i can drive
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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