He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
