Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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