Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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