I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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