Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I deserve this hangover.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
