wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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