dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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