Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
