its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
