laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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