apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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