Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
