I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
