Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
