you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
