I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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