Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Let's paint friendship bongs
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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