okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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