they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
