you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
