were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
