your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
What a fucking waste of an outfit
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
