My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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