I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
