I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
