i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
