Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
