Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
two words...techno handjob
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
