I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
