hotel room ftw
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
