Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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