Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
