John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
