Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize