I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
