..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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