I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize