True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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