Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
