I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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