We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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