they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
