ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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