Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
