i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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