She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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