I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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