He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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