You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
