Soap is not a condiment
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
