She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
