Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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