I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
