I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My hand turned me down
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
This baby is an asshole
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
