He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Randomize
