So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
