Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
