Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
