i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm both gender and math confused
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
