I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Four minutes until I can fart!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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