Your mouth is God's brothel.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
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He told me they were just razor bumps!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
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Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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