You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
