I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
