Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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