I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
