oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
