The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
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