Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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